The process will be slow.
Now I know.
I realize it everyday a little bit more.
Now that my life is apparently moving forward I feel that the pain is even harder.
The sense of loss is getting deeper and deeper.
Unbelievable how much a "little dot" can change your priorities.
And now that the little dot has gone, everything else has gone.


At some point I will be better, it will happen for sure.
Think positive, think positive, think positive.

there are people, supposed to be your friends, who disappear.
the pain is scary.

however i am slowly getting better
one step at a time.

Things have happened.
My mother arrived at the end of April, stayed for 3 weeks and today she has left. I already miss her. This house has taken her smell. it's full of details, they talk of her presence.
During her stay I had a miscarriage.
something I would never wish to my worst enemy.
i am desperately angry and sad.
i hope to be able to be happy again some day.
right now it's all a big black hole and i'm lost in it.
all my friends are giving birth to their babies, i was the one with the ticket for miscarriage.
why did it happen to me? (why not?)
maybe if i had already a kid i would feel stronger. Maybe not.
this is like hell.

suresuresure

Our landlord called me today.
She wanted to let us know that a program on the most famous Italian vineyard was about to go on air. Also, she is going to pay for the cable tv and will install it in our apartment as a treat. she is nice, isn't she?

mamma mia

Well, love can really change things!
Yesterday I decided to take a break from this blog because I did not have much to say, but today I feel like writing in here. Something happened actually, my mom has arrived in LA. She will be staying for three weeks.
Her presence makes me feel better, relaxed, in a good mood.

Over the last weeks lots of sad events have happened, I did not write about them because I was overwhelmed and i still do not want to write about them, but i want to remember how happy i am today.

she brought her smile, her love, some food from italy, some clothes for me.

i think we will go to the desert soon.
i wanna see it and want her to see it.


also I have discovered a kind of tomatoes, small and red, that i like a lot.
they're really tasty

and the oil we brought in LA from Corning is goooood.

the two together are perfect!

I think I am going to put this blog in stand-by.

it's bright again

Today the sun is shining, finally!
many many thanks for your comments.