Sunday, May 24, 2009

The process will be slow.
Now I know.
I realize it everyday a little bit more.
Now that my life is apparently moving forward I feel that the pain is even harder.
The sense of loss is getting deeper and deeper.
Unbelievable how much a "little dot" can change your priorities.
And now that the little dot has gone, everything else has gone.

At some point I will be better, it will happen for sure.
Think positive, think positive, think positive.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

there are people, supposed to be your friends, who disappear.
the pain is scary.

however i am slowly getting better
one step at a time.

Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Things have happened.
My mother arrived at the end of April, stayed for 3 weeks and today she has left. I already miss her. This house has taken her smell. it's full of details, they talk of her presence.
During her stay I had a miscarriage.
something I would never wish to my worst enemy.
i am desperately angry and sad.
i hope to be able to be happy again some day.
right now it's all a big black hole and i'm lost in it.
all my friends are giving birth to their babies, i was the one with the ticket for miscarriage.
why did it happen to me? (why not?)
maybe if i had already a kid i would feel stronger. Maybe not.
this is like hell.

Sunday, May 3, 2009


Our landlord called me today.
She wanted to let us know that a program on the most famous Italian vineyard was about to go on air. Also, she is going to pay for the cable tv and will install it in our apartment as a treat. she is nice, isn't she?