Tuesday, May 19, 2009

Things have happened.
My mother arrived at the end of April, stayed for 3 weeks and today she has left. I already miss her. This house has taken her smell. it's full of details, they talk of her presence.
During her stay I had a miscarriage.
something I would never wish to my worst enemy.
i am desperately angry and sad.
i hope to be able to be happy again some day.
right now it's all a big black hole and i'm lost in it.
all my friends are giving birth to their babies, i was the one with the ticket for miscarriage.
why did it happen to me? (why not?)
maybe if i had already a kid i would feel stronger. Maybe not.
this is like hell.

3 comments:

Gao said...

at least she was there with you
I really hope it will not happen again and that we see on the blog a countdown counter... soon

Moky said...

Yesterday I felt too much to elaborate. Bad things happen to good people. Statistically speaking, they say up to 25% of pregnancies end up in a miscarriage, probably more since many many times they happen even before a woman realizes to be pregnant.

It doesn't helpme. I'm not a number, nor I want to be a statistic. That is my baby, even if it's considered just a group of cells.

Once you start talking about it, you'll see coming out of the woodwork to share their experience, just like I do, just like so many did with me when it happened. A long time ago, it seems.

Maybe one day you will be able to help another woman in your situation.

Time and love will heal the wound, the pain will subside. The scar will always be there though, but getting smaller and smaller... and when you'll hold another little one in your arms, you'll know it is because this little angel you never held is now watching over you.

What helped me, was talking about it and sharing. You'll find support and that will help you guys through.

And if and when you feel like it, plan for the future one...

Crazy time said...

gao: i hope so

moky: thank you for your help. it's very precious. thanks a lot.