Thursday, July 31, 2008

Going Back To My Work Out....Oh My God

The baby next door cries something like 3 hours a day.
What's wrong with him?
I think he cannot stand his father.
How could I blame him?
Every time I see that man I get goose bumps.
Such an ugly person.

Tomorrow I will go back to my spinning classes after two months of break.
I froze my membership on June and July because of my vacation in Italy.
And now it is time to work out again.
Let's see what happens tomorrow.
I hope I won't end up breathless.
I do not care, I need to exercise, it's healthy for my body and my mind.
Actually I would like to take yoga classes too.
I have seen there is a 90 minutes class tomorrow.
Maybe something shorter for the beginning would work better!!

He is making pizza.
I am a bit bored.
I always feel guilty when I get bored, I hate being bored.
It's a waste of life.
I should be grateful
(i am talking like a priest)

Wednesday, July 30, 2008

More Babies are Coming

God! All my friends are pregnant!
Can you tell that I am panicking?

When I went to Italy V. told me she was 6 and a half months pregnant! She found out to be pregnant only one month before, when she was already 5 and a half. That's her style, absolutely hers. She was sure she could not have babies - she convinced herself of that!- she had just opened a restaurant, she was stressed out because of this new job, crying sometimes because of it, she was working until late at night, she rode the motorcycle, she had one week in the snow, skying, falling and who knows what else! One day, all of a sudden, she thought of her period, oh God, women have period, where is mine? and she took a test, one of those you buy at pharmacies. The test was positive off course, she took a blood test as well and based on the results she was two months pregnant. Then she had a ultrasound and the doctor told her: "My dear, if you had waited a little bit longer, you would have given birth to this baby girl here".
The last time I saw her, she was 7 and half and her belly was not visible. I asked her: "are you sure you are pregnant? Where are you hiding her?". Among all the funny anecdotes she told me, there is one that I like better: the baby was moving in her belly and she could feel the movements but, since she did not know to be pregnant, she said: "I feel as if my gut is going upside down"!
Her style, no doubt!!

Sunday, July 27, 2008

Saturday, July 26, 2008

Italian Beauty

Breathtaking. That's All

Towards The Sun. Always

Friday, July 25, 2008

Summing Up

As soon as I landed in the United States, I forgot all my melancholy - which had been overwhelming for the last three days of vacation in Italy - and once again I started my other life. Everything began, with all its good and all its bad. Actually, I must say that the good seems to be more the than bad. I am wondering if it is Italy that pushes me into a depressed mood.

However over these last few days I have been catching up with all I had left in early June, I have not missed too much.

Yesterday we had this bad news about my husband's cousin: she had a miscarriage.
She was 12 weeks pregnant.Yesterday she went for the ultrasound and the gynecologist found out that there was no heartbeat, Not anymore.
It was the first ultrasound for her, that's weird, how can you have the first ultrasound only on the 12th week of pregnancy? I don't know, I have not been pregnant yet and I am not a doctor. It just sounds strange.
Her blood and urine tests were fine, the baby was regularly growing.
Until seven or eight days ago, according to the gynecologist.
Also, the ultrasound showed that there were two embryos, but the first one died very soon.
They want to take some exams on the fetus to figure out what happened.
Moreover she had candida and she could not treat it because right after diagnosed it, she got pregnant. You cannot treat a candida while pregnant?
Could it jeopardize the fetus' life?
I don't Know.
I just feel bad for her.
I am really sorry.

Saturday, July 19, 2008

The Power of Choice

What happens if one day you wake up and feel the big power of the word NO?
If you understand that you can say NO instead of YES, that you can change your personal story instead of accepting the limits and the compromises that someone else made up for you long ago?

Would it imply that you will finally start living for yourself?

Sunday, July 13, 2008

Well, it's almost time

Ok, In one week we will leave.

I will go back to my office and my extravagant colleagues, to the huge window of my apartment, to the Russian neighbor, to the gym, to the palm trees, to the huge roads, to the traffic, to the sun and to much more.

Right now it is raining.
Thunders are noisy and lightnings are bright in the sky.
This is a real summer storm.

Nothing to add.

This is a pretty useless post, but life here is slow and nothing really happens.
I am happy to be with my family and enjoy their warmth.

My husband's cousin is 12 weeks pregnant.
She is radiant (?).
She has not felt any of the bad symptoms of the early stage of the pregnancy.
No nausea, no weakness.
She just looks happy.

Dinner is ready.
Buon appetito.

Sunday, July 6, 2008

Emergency Room for my Mom

When my father told me on the phone that my mother was at the E.R., I felt trapped. I was with this American group, touring around my town, I felt I wanted to escape. I had to stay there, with these seven people, and pretend nothing had happened. Inside I did want to drive as fast as possible, reach the hospital and see with my own eyes how she really was. I was desperately trying to trust my father's words but I was pretty skeptical. I was nervous, worried and yet hiding my feelings, creating an emotional wall between myself and the others - nobody realized how anxious I was - and among all the several layers of myself, all my identities, fighting one against the other. It was hard to have bad thoughts popping up in my head and reassuring reactions right after, Such as: They are taking a TAC, it must look serious followed by No, it's nothing serious, they just want to make sure that everything is working well. It was hard to face such contradictory emotions and still talk to people who were with me. I felt I was about to throw up, as usual.

My father said that she was fine, just low levels of sugar and low blood pressure, nothing really new neither for her nor for us who have been dealing with her little crises every now and then.

This post is as confused and tired as I am.
I won't correct it, it perfectly reflects my mood right now.
However my mother will leave the hospital tomorrow, they are keeping her in for tonight to make sure that her body has completely recovered.

Well, I guess it's time to go to sleep.
The day has been pretty long.
And I am exhausted.