Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Out There On My Own

Sometimes I wonder where I've been, who I am, do I fit in,
make believing is hard alone and out there on my on
we're always proving who we are
always reaching for that rising star
to guide me far and shine me home,
out there on my own

When I am down and feeling blue, I close my eyes so I can be with you
Oh baby be strong for me baby belong to me help me through help me, me too

Until the morning sun appears, making light of all my fears
I dry the tears I've never shown, out here on my own.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

I am Back

The past week was quite hectic.
We went to San Francisco for two days. For him it was a vacation, for me a two - days work at the Pixar. And before leaving I needed to have several duties done.
Maybe because of this tiredness last night I slept from 9.30pm until 8.00am.
This morning I went to the gym after three weeks.
My resignation has occupied a huge space in my mind and absorbed so many energies.
Now I am slowly getting back on track.

Tonight he made garbanzos with shrimps, they were delicious.
I hope I will keep them in my stomach, I am not well today.
My head hurts, the right eye as well and my digestions seems to be a bit difficult.

This afternoon we went to a place likely called Hollywood Lake, the sign Hollywood was very close, the lake, its dam and the hills were the landscape surrounding us. This is were we took the picture above, I feel like a giant, and I like this feeling.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

A Saying

Pigs are flying over my butt, or something like that, is is correct? does it exist? Gli asini volano. Is that the meaning?

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

Reactions at Work

Everybody at work knows that I have resigned.
Everybody is reacting his own way.

My employer, the woman, wrote me she is sorry, she really wanted it to work out. She made me an offer that sounded like a blackmail and I refused to accept it. How could I ever have accepted it? Maybe her intention was to make me quit the job or maybe, which is highly probable, she expected me to believe in their agency more than I believe in my freedom. My colleagues, all of them, do that. Why shouldn't I? Well I don't know. It's just the way I am, always been, the point is that to me dignity does mean something.

My other employer, the man, did not say anything. He is smoking pot somewhere, I guess.
Dressing as a homeless, with curly, grayish, long hair.
Fucking here and there.
With no awareness of the world around.
Crazy time who? I believe he is asking.
He is sensitive to the word money, the only concept able to ring his bell.

The young colleague still hopes we will find an agreement. I think that my employers and I almost would not agree on the obvious truths such as donkeys do not fly, as we say in Italian. They tried to make me believe that, actually. Also, yesterday she realized that she will be the one who will have to cover my shift.


She said she doesn't want to do that. The real reason is that she likes to sleep in the morning. The reason I would hear is that she wants our employers to realize how hard is to not have me there any longer. If she refuses to replace a colleague who resigned, she would make the employers understand how important the colleague is/was. I mean, I would quit anyway, I just wanted to give her a free lesson on professional ethics. I do not think she has picked up my message, she will end up doing morning and night shifts, without neither complaining nor demanding an increase in her salary. Working for free has become very popular in Italian firms. Trendy, let's say. When a colleague of mine quit her job two years ago, I did not accept to work more, but my other colleague couldn't wait to replace her and so she did. Pretty disgusting. Such a bitch.

Speaking of which, she, the bitch, did not say a word. She'd better shut up.

Her boyfriend (how would you translate Trombamico in English?)contacted me on skype even though we were in the same room, hiding from her, who knows why. Maybe she does not want him to talk to me?? I don't know....however he asked and asked, showing respect for my choice and asking if I had any regret.

A sense of liberation.
I answered.
And this sense is growing and growing. Even pretty fast.

Monday, September 15, 2008

The Americans

Talking to a man from England:
"with the Americans it's all about driving and going nowhere"

"the Americans are all the same in all the United States".

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Let's Live Again

Canyon Day!
I walked to the Canyon this morning.
One hour and 15 minutes.
With a friend of mine.
It was beautiful.
I really needed it.
Going back to the usual mood.

Now we are watching the Sorpasso, with French subtitles :)

Saturday, September 13, 2008


It's been two days with the sky overcast, no sun all day, the weather matches my mood. Since I have made my mind, I swing from concern to excitement for what the future will look like. I suffer from this latent tiredness, lack of will and laziness. I have to do my laundry, clean up the apartment, go back to my spinning classes which I have been avoiding for ten days now, focus on positive thinking and find the healthy irony that is buried somewhere in the rooms of my mood. What I do not need is indulging on this mental paralysis.

He is a bit worried for me.
He asks me how I feel and I do not really know what to answer.
I feel as above. Maybe there is an adjective to depict the situation quickly, or maybe two adjectives: tired and confused. That's it, I think.

He is making Tiramisu', I know he would be happy to have me around. I wish I could be able to be around.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

A Headache

It had to happen.
It was time.
Maybe it was even late.
A new direction in my life.
New and fresh air.
It is not easy, but it won't take long to feel happy again.

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

Pasta made in Sweden

I have seen a guy from Sweden cooking pasta.
He put pasta and water together on the stove, at the same time.
Did not wait for the water to boil.
Everything mixed together from the beginning.
He let the pasta cook, expand, change its chemical structure for half an hour. Until it turned into a shapeless block of carbohydrates.
Not only he dared to eat it, he liked it too.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

We Are All Crazy - You More Than Us

L'amore conta - Love Counts

Io e te ne abbiam vista qualcuna - vissuta qualcuna
ed abbiamo capito per bene - il termine insieme
mentre il sole alle spalle pian piano ca giù
e quel sole vorresti non essere tu

e così hai ripreso a fumare - a darti da fare
è andata come doveva - come poteva
quante briciole restano dietro di noi
o brindiamo alla nostra o brindiamo a chi vuoi

l'amore conta
l'amore conta
conosci un altro modo
per fregar la morte?
nessuno dice mai se prima o poi
e forse qualche dio non ha finito con noi
l'amore conta

io e te ci siam tolti le voglie
ognuno i suoi sbagli
è un peccato per quelle promesse
oneste ma grosse
ci si sceglie per farselo un pò in compagnia
questo viaggio in cui non si ripassa dal via

l'amore conta - l'amore conta
e conta gli anni a chi non è mai stato pronto
nessuno dice mai che sia facile
e forse qualche dio non ha finito con te

grazie per il tempo pieno
grazie per la te più vera
grazie per i denti stretti
i difetti
per le botte d'allegria
per la nostra fantasia

l'amore conta
l'amore conta
conosci un altro modo per fregar la morte?
nessuno dice mai se prima o se poi
e forse qualche dio non ha finito con noi

l'amore conta
l'amore conta
per quanto tiri sai
che la coperta è corta
nessuno dice mai che sia facile
e forse qualche dio non ha finito con te
l'amore conta

Friday, September 5, 2008

Strange T-shirts

If you don't like our wings, we'll give you the BIRD.

This was printed on my spinning classmate's T-shirt.
He was riding the bike in front of mine, 45 minutes of this BIRD flying around.
I hope it has found its nest, by now.

I am still wondering if the sentence has a real connection to sexuality or if it is me.
Also, BIRD was in block Letters.

Wednesday, September 3, 2008

Cheating on Her

It looks like news come all at once.
Nothing for months and then one day everything happens.
Your life is turned upside down and you have a new balance to find, if you have the strength to do so.

This friend was 12-weeks pregnant.
Now she is not anymore. She had a miscarriage because of a rare pathology that cannot be predicted and that does not give any hope of survival to the fetus.
It rarely happens, she won the lottery.
A free ride on miscarriage for a rare pathology.

She was trying to recover from this sad experience when she found out that her husband was having an affair with one of his colleagues. It had started before the pregnancy.

He was supporting his wife. By fucking another woman.
Everybody has his personal way to be helpful.

They split up.
He refused to leave the house where they lived together for a few years.
She left. She is at her parents' house right now. It's been two weeks.
The unbelievable detail, one more unbelievable detail, is that the house is hers!
I have no idea why he did not want to leave but in her shoes I would have kicked him out. I know it is easy to talk.

I hope they will be back again.
I like romances.
It is hard to see a happy ending.

In top of that I cannot imagine how hard it must be to go back to your parents' house and see them feeling sorry for you.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

mamma mia!

Sometimes routine sounds like boredom