When my father told me on the phone that my mother was at the E.R., I felt trapped. I was with this American group, touring around my town, I felt I wanted to escape. I had to stay there, with these seven people, and pretend nothing had happened. Inside I did want to drive as fast as possible, reach the hospital and see with my own eyes how she really was. I was desperately trying to trust my father's words but I was pretty skeptical. I was nervous, worried and yet hiding my feelings, creating an emotional wall between myself and the others - nobody realized how anxious I was - and among all the several layers of myself, all my identities, fighting one against the other. It was hard to have bad thoughts popping up in my head and reassuring reactions right after, Such as: They are taking a TAC, it must look serious followed by No, it's nothing serious, they just want to make sure that everything is working well. It was hard to face such contradictory emotions and still talk to people who were with me. I felt I was about to throw up, as usual.
My father said that she was fine, just low levels of sugar and low blood pressure, nothing really new neither for her nor for us who have been dealing with her little crises every now and then.
This post is as confused and tired as I am.
I won't correct it, it perfectly reflects my mood right now.
However my mother will leave the hospital tomorrow, they are keeping her in for tonight to make sure that her body has completely recovered.
Well, I guess it's time to go to sleep.
The day has been pretty long.
And I am exhausted.