My Worst Baby Shower Ever :)

I went to the baby shower and learned that you are in hospital because your waters broke. P. told me it as soon as I arrived while shooting with a little camera. You'll see my face on camera saying: "Oh I'm sorry, Stai bene, L., I am going to say it in Italy, I mean in Italian........" and then I added a sentence in Italian, very short. I was too embarrassed and wanted to say: "No, please, the camera no!" but I didn't dare and OK, I survived. Then I heard other people leave their messages and they were all FUN and PERFECT, of course. I was the only one who started out with I'M SORRY. I thought, they (the Americans) must get some training since the very beginning of their life, maybe it's something they learn at school or something in the food. I have no idea of what it is, but I do need it, whatever it is!
What I wanted to say was that I hope you and the baby are fine and that I am looking forward to meeting your baby boy!

After my smart "entry", I met a friend of yours, she is from St. Louis. At some point during the conversation she asked me why we decided to move out of Italy and I answered: "we wanted to live ABROAD". She said, "Oh OK" and a couple of minutes later she had one more question:
"so, how long did you live in Prague?".
Prague??
I realized she understood PRAGUE instead of ABROAD.
I am wondering how much she got of what I said, how much I was able to make her confused.
However she was very nice when, at the end, looked for the little plant with my name on it and found it. (at least I am sure there was no misunderstanding about my name).

But, the best part came when I was leaving and a woman said to me: "Nice to meet you" and I replied with a great: "Nice to MISS you too". I did not even correct my mistake. I thought, you'd better disappear and I did, I left right after my sentence.

Nevertheless, I must say, I had an excuse: I had a spinning class in the morning and I had to leave early because I was feeling ready to throw up, faint, die, and when I arrived at your house I was not feeling good yet. (Is it a good excuse?)

However, the baby shower was great!
And I really hope you can feel my embrace.

Beloved Colleagues

This morning I arrived at my office and I saw my colleague on the couch. She murmured something not even removing her eyes from the computer - I assumed it was a tired "Hello" - Good morning to you too, (Fucking asshole) my dear. Don't try to be nicer, it could hurt you.

Angels and Demons

Last night Jo and Ju came over to celebrate Jo's new job.
Jo has been working in the film business for six years, since he moved to L.A.
But this time he will work in Italy for a big movie with an American production, which implies more money and a professional environment.
have a safe trip Jo!

However, we celebrated with a bottle of wine - do not remember which one, I am basically dry (?) - and with a slice of tiramisu'. My husband made it. He is so cute (?) while cooking, maybe he looks cute because I never see him in the kitchen. He must have an allergy to stove and pans. He is also messy and it touches my nerves a little bit, but I need to live with it, I guess. I must say the tiramisu' was great.

Ok, let's go back to work.

Coffee According to My Husband

I have an artist at home.
No doubt.

A Real Mama's Boy!

A friend came from Italy for a tennis tournament.

We went see him play and he luckily won the first game. When we left he was losing the second one but he was expecting it.

We saw him again after five years.

He is still quite handsome, quite young and still a spoiled mama's boy!

However, he will be traveling in California until the end of June.

He is based in Rome but because of his career as a tennis player he goes all around the world. The stress is always pretty high.

We spent all day at the tennis court and now I feel sleepy like a baby.


Poor thing!

People on the Street and I

This morning I met an old woman waiting on the street with a handbag luggage.
She looked at me, smiled, stretched her arms and said:

"This morning breeze is great, isn't it?".

I adjusted to her good mood, came out from my overcast thoughts and replied with a similar enthusiasm: "Yes, it is(ssssss)!!".

The truth was that I did not notice the morning breeze, at all.
And even if I had, I would not say it is great.
I often forget how lucky I am.

However, that woman changed my morning in some way.


Then, few minutes later I was fighting with the main door, my key was not working, when I met the "water guy", a black man who opened the door for me. He had this sincere smile that made me thought once again.

I should be more grateful for whatever I have.
The truth is that I have never been that kind of person, always excited and energetic.
I have always felt this latent tiredness that I have never liked, but it has been there, since I was born, probably.

And, above all, this melancholy that never leaves me alone.
It cannot be always labeled as a matter of female hormones.

By the way my chin has been blossoming with pimples over the last three days.
And I am not a teenager.

Having My Baby - Paul Hanka

A friend of mine is on bed rest trying to keep her baby in her belly as long as possible.
She started a blog to write about this hard time and I found this beautiful Video in it.
Below I pasted the lyrics.


[Paul:]
Havin' my baby
What a lovely way of sayin'
How much you love me
Havin' my baby
What a lovely way of sayin'
What you're thinkin' of me
I can see it, face is glowin'
I can see in your eyes
I'm happy you know it

[Both:]
That you're havin' my baby

[Paul:]
You're the woman I love
And I love what it's doin' to ya

[Both:]
Havin' my baby

[Paul:]
You're a woman in love
And I love what's goin' through ya

[Paul:]
The need inside you
I see it showin'
Whoa, the seed inside ya
Baby, do you feel it growin'
Are you happy you know it
That you're

[Both:]
Havin' my baby

[Odia:]
I'm a woman in love
And I love what it's doin' to me

[Both:]
Havin' my baby

[Odia:]
I'm a woman in love
And I love what's goin' through me

[Paul:]
Didn't have to keep it
Wouldn't put ya through it
You could have swept it from you life
But you wouldn't do it
No, you wouldn't do it

[Both:]
And you're havin' my baby

[Odia:]
I'm a woman in love
And I love what it's doin' to me

[Both:]
Havin' my baby

[Odia:]
I'm a woman in love
And I love what's goin' through me

[Paul:]
Havin' my baby (havin' my baby)
What a lovely way of sayin'
How much you love me

[Paul:]
Havin' my baby
(havin' my baby)

[Odia:]
I'm a woman in love
And I love what's goin' through me

The Men and The Pain

He spent two hours at the dentist's studio this morning.
Now it's 7.31 pm. and he is still on the couch looking like the warrior who fought all day against his worst enemy, complaining every now and then.

It must be something in his nature, it must be the male nature.
(God save the woman brave and strong)

Indiana Jones (Number Thirty-Six Or So)

We saw Indiana Jones and the Crystal Skull or whatever it is called.
Two hours of action with a 65-year-old, or so, Harrison Ford.
I fell asleep for half an hour and when I woke up they were still somewhere in a forest trying to bring back to its original place a plastic skull, which we were supposed to believe as a crystal skull.

It is a well-done movie, the crew is a never-ending list of animators, stunts and experts in special effects, a chain of professionals which ended up doing their job very well and make tons of money.

Still, where is the story? I left the movie theater exhausted.
I felt weird, as if I was taking away nothing with me.

But this is me.

My Ex Town - My Ex World

In twenty days we will be in Italy:

The smell of the summer,
the narrow streets,
the Piazza with the same people,
the newsstands with La Repubblica,
the dialect,
the warmth of my parents' love,
the ice cream,
the afternoon's clouds,
the humidity,
the simple life,
the bakeries,
the bicycles,
the sound of Italian.

The awareness of my roots.

Relax

We had a relaxed Saturday as it did not happen for several months.
It is nice when you can enjoy life and take it as it comes with no worries for the heavy traffic or the crazy people or your next appointment.

At the end of this day, which has given me the chance to be in touch with my deepest feelings, I have realized how strong I miss my family and how much I wish they were here. I already knew it, but today I felt it and it is painful. This absence is a hole in my life.


By the way, today we have had 38 Celsius degrees.

Take The Shoes Off

At home there is one of Strazioman's colleagues, I am trapped in the bedroom with this nice 35 Celsius degrees, I am pouring sweat. However there is something worst I am dealing with right now: this colleague has not taken his shoes off and we have carpet everywhere. I am almost risking an heart attack. We never keep our shoes on.

When I visit someone I always adjust to their rules.
If I see them with bare foot I'll take my shoes off.
It's not that hard.

Maybe I should have said something at the beginning but I always find embarrassing to say this kind of things.

I have noticed how deep my thoughts are when I try to practice English.

God and I

I do not believe in God but I am afraid of him.

A Job Offer

He was offered a job, 1400 euros in Rome.
I am wondering 1400 euros for how many hours? Ten maybe?
How much is a rent in Rome? At least 800 euros, at least.
There would be 600 euros left.

Not enough, not even to buy a primitive coffin and bury our intelligence.


God Bless America.

Filling A Gap

TWO REMARKS:
When I happen to meet in Los Angeles someone from my hometown, strange feelings come up.
It has happened two times in five years, the latest time was last night.
I felt as if I was able to fill the gap in my personal story, to find a thread throughout these 32 years, as if no ruptures occurred.
It has always been a little traumatic to give consistency to who I was there and who I have become here, where I used to live and where I am now, what I have adjusted to.
Last night I had the chance to perceive myself as a whole.
I miss that sometimes. From a small town where everybody knows everybody and the privacy is a privilege, I found myself in a city of 15 millions of people speaking a different language and expressing a different culture. At the beginning I struggled to get my place in such a spread -out metropolis. Now I do have my place, but by no means it implies that I belong here.

Also, the idea of having a baby in the United States sounds exciting: it would give him/her the opportunity to live between Europe and the United States with no concerns about Visas and immigration laws. He/she would be perfectly bilingual, absolutely not an unimportant detail, he/she would be a more "colorful" person (Italian parents, American environment and so on).

Yet I cannot accept the idea of having an American child.
I want him/her to see himself/herself as one hundred percent Italian.
But if I had a baby here and raise him/her here, it would not happen. (how could it?)
The idea of a having a child who defines himself as an American makes me throw up.
(why is that? I find myself pretty disgusting).

Let me Yawn

I am so sleepy. Why is that?
Last night I slept, apart from the noise from downstairs that woke me up, woke us up, for half an hour. Then today, after lunch, I took a nap and dreamed deeply.
Cannot remember what exactly.
When I got up, 40 minutes later, I was feeling so weak, almost afraid to pass out.

Now:

Lying Lazy on the couch, watching tv, feeling deadly tired, no strength in my legs.
Went to work this morning, did some errands in the afternoon, now can't stop yawning.
A party tonight but actually dying for sleeping.

Am I hungry?
Might be.

I need waxing.
No doubts.
Such a pain, such an annoying process.
You like my hairy legs, don't you?

Outside it is getting dark.
it's been cloudy.
Overcast, as they say here.

May gray.
(June gloom coming next)

Eating too much crostata with nutella.

Strongly wondering where I am heading to.

Insomnia

Over the last few weeks I have been suffering from insomnia.
The only nights I have a nice sleep are those immediately before my days off from work.
I am wondering if it means something.

I have been experiencing a general sickness for whatever I have been doing for one year.
I cannot tell if it is because I have learned all I could and now it is time to begin a new chapter of my life and start learning again or if it is because I just need a professional improvement, a good news, just those little changes that give a new flavor to life.

Who knows.
Hope to find it out before I lose myself.

Also, the idea of having a baby is becoming more and more an imperative need.
But this is a different story.

Social Relationships in Los Angeles

Crazy Times that (C. T. and) Her Neighbor (N.)
(four meters between them)

N. "Hello, how are you?"

C. T. "Fine, thank you, and you?"

N. "Don't get close, I've a bad cold"

C.T. "Don't worry. I won't kiss you"

Have you ever felt that stone in your heart? 'Cause I have

For so long my body was in pain, here, between my heart and my throat.
One year had to pass before the sun had risen again in my mornings.
One year is just 12 months, 48 weeks, 365 days, 8760 hours, a countable time, no more than that. In my story it expanded and turned into a never - ending night. A freezing cold tunnel.
Have you ever felt that stone in you heart, ever seen that darkness in your eyes?
You try to keep your head out of the swamp but a force stronger than your will pushes you down, have you ever felt to be dead with a still beating heart? have you?

'Cause I Have

Good Night Los Angeles

'Cause You Can Never Really Come Back From a Journey.
Like it or not. Strong enough to bear it or not.


I thought It would be easy to go back home.
But it is not.

Have been trying to live with this new me, an hybrid suspended between homesickness and fascination for the city with few angels and only two seasons.