Sunday, May 11, 2008

Filling A Gap

When I happen to meet in Los Angeles someone from my hometown, strange feelings come up.
It has happened two times in five years, the latest time was last night.
I felt as if I was able to fill the gap in my personal story, to find a thread throughout these 32 years, as if no ruptures occurred.
It has always been a little traumatic to give consistency to who I was there and who I have become here, where I used to live and where I am now, what I have adjusted to.
Last night I had the chance to perceive myself as a whole.
I miss that sometimes. From a small town where everybody knows everybody and the privacy is a privilege, I found myself in a city of 15 millions of people speaking a different language and expressing a different culture. At the beginning I struggled to get my place in such a spread -out metropolis. Now I do have my place, but by no means it implies that I belong here.

Also, the idea of having a baby in the United States sounds exciting: it would give him/her the opportunity to live between Europe and the United States with no concerns about Visas and immigration laws. He/she would be perfectly bilingual, absolutely not an unimportant detail, he/she would be a more "colorful" person (Italian parents, American environment and so on).

Yet I cannot accept the idea of having an American child.
I want him/her to see himself/herself as one hundred percent Italian.
But if I had a baby here and raise him/her here, it would not happen. (how could it?)
The idea of a having a child who defines himself as an American makes me throw up.
(why is that? I find myself pretty disgusting).


Moky said...

It shouldn't disgust you, I think. It's much much MUCH easier to raise a child here, believe me. from high chairs e=and changing tables everywhere you go, families with children are more "catered to" than in Italy. I know, it sounds like a petty thing, but when you find yourself in the middle of a city with a baby with a load in his diaper, it's conforting to know that
1) you can use any store restroom without being a "customer'
2) There will be a changing table in it.

We were in Mantova with our 1 year old baby once and I had to change him and I had to do it basically in the stroller in the rain in the middle of a sidewalk...

And maybe your contribution to the improvement of the american society will be this new "cross-over" baby, American and yet, italian at heart. My kids are 100% american, but they're also 100% italian. It's a good recipe!! My 2 cents

dancin' fool said...

valeria, non capisco, sei valeriascrive da los angeles? e perchè nel profilo c'è scritto "maschio"??! qualche novità??? devo scriverti in inglese qui? mmm

Nat said...

I'm with Moky. Our kids are 100% american and 100% italian.
And I agree with her about things being easier here in regards to children.
I've also had a wonderful experience with child birth here, while I've heard a lot of horror stories from friends in Italy..
In the end, you know what?, you really won't care that much what nationality they belong to.. all you'll care is that they belong to YOU.
God bless and, I probably speak for all of us reading your blog, can't wait for you to have a Varlerinascrivina or a Strazio-omino. :-)

Crazy time said...

@ danci fool: mica me n'ero accorta!!! ho corretto, grazie.

@moky, navide: thnank you for your encouragement :)
also, thank you for your patience with my English.

Nat said...

Your English is great.
I'll be patient with your English, if you promise to be patient with mine. Actually, if you promise to be patient with my English AND the stupid stuff I write!

dancin' fool said...

molto bene! io magari se posso commenterei in italiano, che in inglese con voi mi vergogno!! ok? altrimenti mi sforzo...;)
ps. non sono riuscita a firmarmi col mio indirizzo che caos!!!