food and beauty

Talking of food a little bit more.
tonight I made pizzicotti, yummy!
a deli from my hometown.
I cheated a little bit, I bought the pizza dough, didn't make it.
I made the sauce with garlic, tomato, chilli, black pepper and a delicious pecorino made by my father-in-law. Fast, easy and delicious.


Also I made two homemade facial masks.
the first one with honey, one egg and olive oil.
this works as a scrub.

the second one with yogurt and grapefruit to refresh the skin.
not sure I needed to refresh it, but it was kind of nice to spread it after the scrub.

friends for dinner

Penne with salmon - fresh and smoked - with yogurt instead of cream.
Tortino with spinach, ricotta and salmon. This time the dough has yeast.
baked potatoes and mache with cranberries and pieces of pecorino.
He has cooked and seasoned every dish, let's hope it's tasty.
cannoli for dessert - frozen from Trader Joe's. Never had them before. Not sure I'll have them tonight.

The table is set, outside it's pouring rain, I walked only half an hour today because of my husband's laziness, he did not want to walk the second lap.


More than anything else I'd like to sleep.

Menu

biscotti con gocce di cioccolato

torta allo yogurt e gocce di cioccolato

tortino di cipolle (homemade dough)

tortino di spinaci e ricotta (homemade dough)

vellutata di zucchine

minestrone piselli lattuga ceci lenticchie fagioli

zucchine ripiene di ricotta e oancetta

zucchine ripiene di tonno e capperi

pollo al limone




I've been cooking like crazy lately.
Cannot drink, cannot smoke, cannot do drugs.
What do I have left?

If I keep cooking like that, I'll feed the neighborhood.

hungry

Tonight we'll see two students from the workshop in Italy.
We'll have dinner together in a Japanese restaurant.
They'll have sushi, I think.
I will have cooked fish :(
Some doctors here say you can have sushi - and I think Japanese women have it!! .


However, I'm starving! Can't wait to sit at the restaurant with my food in the plate.
This is what I usually do:
sleep,
cook,
eat,
feel sleepy,
forget things,
think of food,
eat,
sleep,
forget things
eat,
cook,
feel sleepy,
forget things.

Not necessarily in this order.

Now and then:
work
read (over the last three weeks I've read a lot actually, But I feel it's never enough)
walk (one hour a day, trying to be consistent. Trying)

Also, I check my weight. However since I have had a bad memory lately, I can never tell how much weight I've gained.

In other words, I'm quickly becoming a plant.

My doctor is tired

He seemed to have all the time of the world to spend with me.
He matches my tiredness.

quotes from him:

don't need to check toxoplasmosis unless you eat cats' poo.

you can have sex if you need, you won't get pregnant.


you can fly to Italy in December only if you take your doctor with you, this is the rule of our hospital.

not only nightlife :)

A busy busy weekend.

Today He and an ex student of mine who has become a friend, have made wine.
The smell was really inviting, I'd have tasted some :)
After that, we had lunch together, homemade vegetable soup, and some cheese.
That was a lovely day. My ex student is such a mice person, one of those with only positive energies. Hard to find.

Yesterday we went to a charity dinner (started at 5! and it was quite far) + show organized by the pro-life movement. We were invited by another ex student of mine. We decided to go even though our ideas about abortion and pregnancy do not match theirs, actually they are clearly in conflict. The show was a play, a witty comedy that unexpectedly pushed hard against the Church and the Vatican. You'd never see such a show in Italy.

And now we need to take a one-week rest!

This is the question

Crazy times have gone?

good morning

I have this feeling that today I won't be able to leave the bathroom.
And I have a dental cleaning too.
perfect.

cleaning

I was much better at cleaning the house.
Now I'm less accurate. Don't like it but cannot do any better.

yes!

I've fallen in love.

Back to blogging

I'm returning to this blog after more than one month of absence.
It's a long time for me, but when I'm in Italy I don't feel like writing in English.
This time I barely updated my blog in Italian.


Today I haven't got dressed, just stayed on the couch in my pajama.
I cooked and washed the dishes, not even cleaned the house.
Let's see what I can do tomorrow.

Maybe I'll find something interesting to say!
or maybe I'll abandon this blog for good!
it's clear I'm running out of topics.

bear

I should make my bed and wash the dishes, I just keep postponing.

In two days I'll see the wax lady, she'll give me a facial too.
Desperately need to look like a woman again.
My hairs have never been so wild.
I need a haircut too.


I need energy.
where can I buy it? can I?

Give

it a chance.

time

time is going by slowly.
It's like being stuck in a moment.
the countdown is not for me.

it

holding my breath.

true

Le nostre valigie erano di nuovo ammucchiate sul marciapiede; avevamo molta strada da fare. Ma non importava, la strada è la vita. Jack Kerouac

can i hold you?

words don't come easily, like I love you.
maybe if I tell you the right word at the right time you'll be mine.

oh my god

oh my god.
oh my god.
oh my god.
oh my god.
oh my god.
oh my god.

bowl

Done with the workshop. Two long and exciting weeks.
yesterday they left.
i want to leave too.
planning some vacation.
(if we'll ever agree on the destination)

Laughing

I don't know how to deal with it.
Life will take its direction and it's the opposite direction I dared to wish.

Dimentica, dimentica, che il dispiacere scivola.

craziness

Like a rat in a cage.
I'm suffocating.

The truth is that when I'm there I miss here, when I'm here I miss my freedom.
I should live a world in-between.
I'll go crazy soon.

I'm not unhappy but I am happiest with you

Any idea?

About you, I understood more than you can admit.
What to do now on?
Did you catch my silence?
Did you figure out what is behind it?
How much is in there?
I think you can.
I've looked into your eyes and showed you everything.

VAcation mode

period.

Courage

My age, two kids, breast cancer.
what she tells, makes me shiver.
she talks of the reactions around her.
Many people have run away from her, they're scared, many others look at her breast to see if it's there or not. They're curious, morbid, they never ask her how she is doing. People can be mean.
But She is brave and strong, dealing with all these poisons they're giving her to defeat cancer. She is focusing only on her healing, leaning on her mom and fighting for her kids
I cannot explain with words.
I just feel it's not right.

But life is not right, I guess.

I just want her to be fine!!

profilo psicologico

Questo tipo introverso è particolarmente affidabile e responsabile. È preciso e molto realistico. Il suo comportamento si basa fondamentalmente sui fatti e sull’esperienza che giudica e analizza in maniera meticolosa, paziente e sistematica. Si fida della logica e dell’obiettività e ha difficoltà a capire le persone che non basano il loro comportamento su questi due pilastri della sua esistenza! Non prende decisioni impulsive. È tranquillo, serio e coscienzioso. Ha un etica del lavoro sviluppata che lo induce per esempio a non lasciare incompiuto un lavoro che ha iniziato. Prima finisce quello che deve fare e solo dopo si riposa. Ama essere lasciato in pace quando deve fare qualcosa. Sa quello che fa e quando reputa di aver capito cosa deve fare non ha bisogno di una supervisione. È perseverante e non si scoraggia facilmente. È generalmente abile nei lavori manuali e ama farli. Spesso sono per questo tipo un modo produttivo per rilassarsi. Frequentemente è anche un grande lettore. Se è uno sportivo, tende a preferire gli sport che lo mettono in contatto diretto con la natura. La sua funzione inferiore è il sentimento. Socialmente tende a essere riservato e non particolarmente caloroso. Può dare l’impressione di essere indifferente o insensibile ai sentimenti degli altri. Inoltre si lascia difficilmente influenzare e non sembra attribuire molta importanza all’opinione degli estranei. Preferisce generalmente trovarsi in ambienti a lui familiari e con persone familiari. È un conservatore ed ha una bassa propensione al rischio. Se non dispone dell’esperienza (sua o di qualcun altro) per poter giudicare un nuovo progetto si sente a disagio e tende a rigettarlo con scetticismo. Può diventare negativo, scettico e testardo. Preferisce fare le cose che sono già state sperimentate. Sul piano lavorativo le sue qualità sono molto preziose. Oltre a essere molto affidabile, realistico e analitico, lavora intensamente e con autonomia. È attento ai dettagli, paziente e tollerante nei confronti della routine. La sua prudenza ne fa un amministratore molto oculato. Con le persone può avere una certa difficoltà a causa della distanza che spontaneamente tende a mantenere. Generalmente compensa questa caratteristica con la capacità di essere obiettivo e un senso etico sviluppato.

Life can be good!

a blue sky,
a warm jacuzzi,
an amazing view of the valley,
few friends,
and this beautiful song. I Love it.

(Oriana Fallaci)

[...] sono stupendi i trent'anni, ed anche i trentuno,i trentadue, i trentatrè, i trentaquattro, i trentacinque!
Sono stupendi perché sono liberi, ribelli, fuorilegge, perché è finita l'angoscia dell'attesa, non è cominciata la malinconia del declino, perchè siamo lucidi, finalmente, a trent'anni!
Se siamo religiosi, siamo religiosi convinti; se siamo atei siamo atei convinti.
Se siamo dubbiosi, siamo dubbiosi senza vergogna.
E non temiamo le beffe dei ragazzi perché anche noi siamo giovani, non temiamo i rimproveri degli adulti perché anche noi siamo adulti.
Non temiamo il peccato perchè abbiamo capito che il peccato è un punto di vista, non temiamo la disubbidienza perché abbiamo scoperto che la disubbidienza è nobile.
Non temiamo la punizione perché abbiamo concluso che non c'è nulla di male ad amarci se c'incontriamo, ad abbandonarci se ci perdiamo: i conti non dobbiamo più farli con la maestra di scuola e non dobbiamo ancora farli col prete dell'olio santo.
Li facciamo con noi stessi e basta, col nostro dolore da grandi.
Siamo un campo di grano maturo a trent'anni,non più acerbi e non ancora secchi: la linfa scorre in noi con la pressione giusta, gonfia di vita. é viva ogni nostra gioia, è viva ogni nostra pena, si ride e si piange come non ci riuscirà mai più.
Abbiamo raggiunto la cima della montagna e tutto è chiaro là in cima: la strada per cui scenderemo.
Un po' ansimanti e tuttavia freschi, non succederà più di sederci nel mezzo a guardare indietro e avanti e meditare sulla nostra fortuna.
(Oriana Fallaci)

The Cow house

Why should people like a huge, fake cow in their garden?

sleepy

i fell asleep at 1.45 a.m.
i woke up at 6.15 a m
now it's almost 10am, i haven't done anything at home, I need to take a shower and go to work.
Will I survive?
too tired.

May Gray

today I was driving on Mulholland Drive and it was foggy.
Like my hometown in November.
Never saw something like that.
That was quite an experience.


Also, I'd like to know why I always walk fast.
I always seem to be in a hurry.

2009

"All these years later I'm still wondering at what point the embryos that didn't take hold folded. I'm still wondering whether I mindlessly flushed them or if my body absorbed them silently, invisibly, while I was mentally decorating the nursery. I also still wonder whether, like the stretch marks remaining from pregnancy, the disappeared embryos are now a permanent part of my physical makeup, an extra few cells on my bladder walls, or, as I like to think, residing somewhere in my heart."


Silenzio

E’ stato mostruoso lasciarti andare via.
E’ stato come strapparmi il cuore.
Se vai tu, vengo anche io, l’ho pensato, te ne sei accorto?
E’ stata l’infermiera che mi ha detto non si muore per cosi’ poco.
Ti do l’ossigeno e ti tengo di qua. Cosi’ e’ stato.
Debole, madida di sudore, con gli occhi spalancati su una disperazione che non ti so raccontare.
Ed eccomi ora, tu sei il dolore spostato al lato,
sei la pena costretta alla periferia del sentire,
sei il rinunciato, l’omesso, l’abbandonato, la perdita irrisolta,
sei un anniversario sciocco.
Il flashback di un arrivederci-a-mai e’ una mano al collo.

virgo

You might think that you're at the end of your rope today, but you're not going to fall. Your key planet Mercury turns around tomorrow, ending a three-week period of backtracking. For now, your wisest strategy is to just hang on. You won't lose any more ground, but you may not see the progress you want for a few more days. Don't give up; your life is already beginning to slowly change for the better.

gelato

we went to this Italian gelato place.
It's made by a guy from Venice, the taste is real Italian.
The barista, a girl from ny, lived ten years in Rome.
Not only she speaks Italian fluently, but she seems from Rome.

she knows ALberto SOrdi,
she said:

Fico
Troppo Bello (reminded me of Verdone)
and even
FRICCHETTONA!


WOW!

:(

brutta discussione a lavoro.
ho perso la calma.
ho temuto di perdere anche qualche schiaffo.
ho sicuramente mancato di lucidita'.
non e' da me.
un po' sono stata presa alla sprovvista, un po' mi fa arrabbiare quando qualcuno e'arrogante e scarica le responsabilita' sugli altri.

questa e' la prova che la misura e' colma.
sono stanca.
non mi voglio giustificare, mi dispiace aver perso la diplomazia, ma penso che dopo tutto questo tempo di incertezze a 360 gradi, io comincio a non poterne piu'.
ma proprio piu' piu' piu'.

daily life with you

I look at you and feel that everything is going to be alright.

such a lovely husband I have.

please

give me a break.

On the 101

Crazy.

Love love love Amore amore amore

I woke up and was kind of sad. melancholic let's say. I went to the restroom and found a post-it from you.
It said buon giorno.
then I went to the coffee machine and saw a second post-it: Ti AMo
I opened the fridge, took the milk, saw a third one: Tanto
Took the milk jug and saw the last one: Anche di piu'.

You made me smile.

Update

At a coffee shop.
They have buy one get one free. I bought a coconut cookie and got a free one.
Now, one is already huge, two is way too much.
I'll take it home and give it to that bitter :) man who says to be my husband.
I was actually looking for something not sweet but it's impossible.
the choice was between pastry, cake and cookies. what about a salad?

lately I've not been going to the gym, feel guilty with myself (and my wallet!)
but really cannot stand it right now. But I am sunbathing a lot, for the first time in almost seven years. never too late.



I think that's it.

let me love you

Finally

She has not cancer! Yes! She's perfectly healthy.
That's a wonderful news!
I love love love wonderful news!

No Comment

can you read the sign?

seduction

when someone tells you ciao amore mio and you already feel attracted to him and you are not supposed to, you can get very confused. Yes, you can.Especially if life has been hard.
but you know that would not be the solution.
just an easy way out that would hurt too many people.
first of all the person you love the most.
so it's just flattering.
no more than that.

(Albert Einstein, 1955)

just copied from a blog:

“Non pretendiamo che le cose cambino, se facciamo sempre la stessa cosa. La crisi è la migliore benedizione che può arrivare a persone e Paesi, perché la crisi porta progressi. La creatività nasce dalle difficoltà nello stesso modo che il giorno nasce dalla notte oscura. È dalla crisi che nascono l’inventiva, le scoperte e le grandi strategie. Chi supera la crisi supera se stesso senza essere superato. Chi attribuisce alla crisi i propri insuccessi e disagi, inibisce il proprio talento e ha più rispetto dei problemi che delle soluzioni. La vera crisi è la crisi dell’incompetenza. La convenienza delle persone e dei Paesi è di trovare soluzioni e vie d’uscita. Senza crisi non ci sono sfide, e senza sfida la vita è una routine, una lenta agonia. Senza crisi non ci sono meriti. È dalla crisi che affiora il meglio di ciascuno, poiché senza crisi ogni vento è una carezza. Parlare della crisi significa promuoverla e non nominarla vuol dire esaltare il conformismo. Invece di fare ciò dobbiamo lavorare duro. Terminiamo definitivamente con l’ unica crisi che ci minaccia, cioè la tragedia di non voler lottare per superarla.”


considering the huge crisis we've been facing, and the energy we have been using to defeat it, we'll achieve a major success. I mean, really major!. Just we'd like to know WHEN it is going to happen.

astonished

we were supposed to get the results yesterday but the doctor said they're not gonna be ready until next week. You know, it's Easter holidays.
After all, it might be just cancer.

At the nails shop

-I love your skirt
-Thank you
-You don't work today?
-I'm done for today
-Oh you work early
-I've started early today. However I don't usually work 8 hours in a row
-No? What do you do?
-I teach Italian.
-How many hours a day?
-It depends. Some days I work for a couple of hours, some other days for 4 hours. Also, there are days I don't work at all.
-Ahahahahah you don't work at all! Ahahahah, you're funnyyyy!!!


Still wondering why she was laughing.

printed on underwear

I have the pussy, so I make the rules.


;)

anniversary

every day has been hard over the last year.
every single day.
you'd think that it could not get harder than this.
you're wrong.
unexpectedly you think that one year ago you were in Vegas and gave birth to your little miracle.
one year ago. and you can barely breathe.
a whole month of being pregnant without knowing it.
and then the news, which you found out just by chance.
and could not believe it.
and then the nightmare.
it's time to have a new miracle.
it's time to start thinking of giving yourself a new chance.
it's time to wear a smile.
an authentic one.
time to give it a try.
what if.....?
if you never try, you'll never know.
yes, right.
However the fear to go through what I went through, which was almost endless, paralyzes me.
But I cannot act as if I were already dead.

che pure certi scazzi.

ronf

those days when you get up and can't wait to go back to sleep.
today is one of those days.
low energy.


e pure tanti giramenti di palle.
this must be the reason why i feel exhausted. too many giramenti.

The gift of an ordinary day

The music is pathetic.
and you may think she is pushing too much, but overall it's a good, true piece. I liked t.

again?

bad news once again????



(che poi parli con tua suocera e ti fa
Va bene dai le macchine si rifanno.
si.
me le paghi tu?)

My landlord said:

-I'd really love to see you pregnant while in this house.


Over and over again, she can't stop saying this.
gosh!

Age

Talking to Mark, 15 years old.

-My friend has a sister, but she's old.
-How old is she?
-She's 30


Then, they ask you why you're in such a bad mood.

Jack Kerouac - On the road

Perché per me l'unica gente possibile sono i pazzi, quelli che sono pazzi di vita, pazzi per parlare, pazzi per essere salvati, vogliosi di ogni cosa allo stesso tempo, quelli che mai sbadigliano o dicono un luogo comune, ma bruciano, bruciano, bruciano, come favolosi fuochi artificiali color giallo che esplodono come ragni attraverso le stelle e nel mezzo si vede la luce azzurra dello scoppio centrale e tutti fanno Oooohhh!

At the supermarket

-any question ma'am?
-No, thanks. I'm just waiting for my husband
-Oh well, that's legal at Trader Joe's

:))

tomorrow trip back to LA

on wednesday we'll go back to l.a.
Nice days with our friend, too much food and wine.
I feel round :)


this guy i know wants to meet for coffee.
he has just split up with his girlfriend.
i know he has a crush on me, sort of.
he openly told me it a couple of times.
it makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.
i know he'd prefer to see me alone (because he does not feel free to speak!! this is what he said once (???????))
bo.
not that he would ever be a temptation.



crepes with nutella are delicious.

i'm kind of ashamed.

here we are

arrived.
7 hours drive
tired but nice to see friends again

northern california

almost going north.
a long drive tomorrow.

what the hell

when you were here before
couldn't look into your eyes
you're just like an angel
you float like a feather in a beautiful world.
I wish i was special.


______________

Fernando Pessoa

Esiste una stanchezza dell’intelligenza astratta ed è la più terribile delle stanchezze. Non è pesante come la stanchezza del corpo, e non è inquieta come la stanchezza dell’emozione. E’ un peso della consapevolezza del mondo, una impossibilità di respirare con l’anima.

gino paoli

Dont'know what you do but you do it well, (i'm under your spell)

Felipe Benìtez Reyes

Ma la paura era questo?

Non i minacciosi
fantasmi del pensiero e della coscienza.
Non i lunghi corridoi d'ospedale
con tubi fluorescenti giorno e notte.
Neppure il tremore d'irrealtà
che rimane nell'anima se ricordi.

La paura, sembra, è quieta:

arriva quando chiudi la finestra
e capisci che tutto quanto guardi
è lo stesso di ieri, e lo stesso
sarà domani e per sempre.

Farm Lab

i can't be arsed.
i've learned it today, that's nice.


the fact is i'm too tired to care.

lots of thoughts and all of them to be censored.

LALA Land

Today we went to the canyon, once we reached the top, we saw this funny couple.
She is wearing a bikini and high heels.

baking

First ciambellone in months.
over the past months I was too lazy to bake and was not sure how the oven would work.
Now I know I can still bake something as easy as a ciambellone and I know the oven works great. good news!

______________________________________

it's raining again and after all the bad weather we got in Italy, i'm desperately in need of some good days of sun and warm temperatures.


_____________

how come that strangers can make your days better? make you feel well?
that kind of chemistry is rare and precious to find.
it's kind of instinctive trust.
and you don't even fear to get hurt.
it's marvelous, isn't it?
can't wait to see you again guys.
____________________

driving on the freeway

well

today it's raining. i hate L.A. when it rains.
We returned here a week ago, still fighting with the jet lag.
i wish we were still in italy. there are people i have met over there who have made my life much better and i've been missing them since we arrived.
the future is seriously uncertain, i'm sick of my job, and he has many projects ready to start but not started yet.maybe we'll leave this place, i wish we will.
cannot imagine my life in europe though. it's really tough there and we are spoiled.
we'll see. i am a bit impatient.